


Lonely (but not when you hold me)

by amaranthhime



Category: Tales of Zestiria
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Morning Cuddles, Post-Canon, lots of comfort, that's the fic lmao, they just talk in bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-23
Updated: 2017-04-23
Packaged: 2018-10-23 03:07:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10710888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amaranthhime/pseuds/amaranthhime
Summary: Mikleo felt the overwhelming need to speak, to fill these silent moments with words so that he could halt his inner monologue, even for a moment. “Honestly,” he started, a teasing edge dripping into his tone, “you'd think after so many years asleep, you’d be easier to get out of bed,”And just like that, the pin dropped. A shift in the mood - slight, but still very much tangible – passed between them. While it wasn’t his intention to draw attention to their situation, Mikleo had inadvertently started a conversation he truly did not wish to have.---Sorey and Mikleo wake up in Elysia for the first time since Sorey's awakening. Some Post-game Sormik feels.





	Lonely (but not when you hold me)

**Author's Note:**

> Hoo boy It's been a long time since I posted a fanfic online lmao *pops champagne* I'm glad that my first fic on this account is sormik, I love them so much and I've just caught a second wind of obsession with Tales of Zestiria. Anyway, it's almost 3 am and I'm posting this without having a beta read it first oops.
> 
> Title is inspired by One of One by Duendita (it’s so soft and nice I definitely recommend listening to it with rain in the background hehe)
> 
> I hope you enjoy xx

It's strange, the kind of things one will find endearing about another when they're in love; in this instance, it was the way Sorey's hair stuck up at odd angles, his face smushed into the pillow, a gradually thickening patch of drool forming as he slept peacefully. Mikleo couldn't help the breathy chuckle from seeping past his smile, the sight before him filling him with a warm sort of amusement. 

Ah yes, this man was the love of his life. 

It had been several weeks since Sorey had awoken from his slumber with Maotelus, and the duo were making a quick stop in Elysia to prepare for a lengthy expedition across the continent of Glenwood. Having Sorey in his life again after almost a millennium filled Mikleo with an indescribable joy: he felt warm, happy, whole. It was almost too good to be true. He couldn't help but worry that it was all a dream, and that he'd awaken to an empty bed. The sight of the other man, no matter how ragged and dishevelled he looked in his slumber, never ceased to reassure him.

Mikleo trailed a hand over Sorey cheekbones, as if checking to see if the image before him was a solid, corporeal being rather than an illusion. He smiled softly to himself as the seraph beside him stirred slightly. “Sorey,” he called, gently, “wake up,”

Sorey grunted before arching his back, holding out his arms in a long stretch that didn’t look remotely comfortable. He then rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand before opening them, immediately locking his sights onto Mikleo and smiling. “Morning Mikleo,” he greeted with scrunched eyes and a hand reaching for his own.

Mikleo accepted his hand, intertwining their fingers. “Good morning,” he responded, “sleep well?”

Sorey mumbled something unintelligible in response. It sounded strikingly similar to “yes, because I slept next to you”, but Mikleo refused to believe such saccharine drivel in the early hours of the morning.

Mikleo lifted their entwined fingers, placing a couple of feather-light kisses to Sorey’s knuckles and relishing in the bashful smile he received from the other seraph. Mikleo wouldn’t admit this – at least, not out loud – but no amount of affection he could give to Sorey would feel like enough. He wasn’t like Sorey, who didn’t think twice about raining endearment upon those he loves; Mikleo was very conscious of his every action, and in turn his inaction. Sorey’s warm expression, however, melted any self-consciousness Mikleo may have held about this small expression of affection.

Everything about Sorey was too much. How warm and whole his hand felt, slotting perfectly against Mikleo’s more slender fingers. How his smile was bright enough to rival the sun, and how the green of his eyes put lustrous canopies of forests to shame. It was ridiculous, truly, how Sorey brought out this almost poetical side of Mikleo. Now he understood all the ridiculously romantic things Sorey had said throughout their time together, both in the past and the previous month.

What a month it had been. Mikleo had been surprised that Sorey had retained his memories: “a gift from Maotelus,” Sorey had explained, which Mikleo had happily accepted without further questioning. It certainly made catching up all that much easier. Mikleo couldn’t imagine meeting with Sorey again, and the other not knowing who he was. All Mikleo had had these past eight hundred odd years were memories. To think that Sorey could have lost what Mikleo had held so dear for so long…

Mikleo felt the overwhelming need to speak, to fill these silent moments with words so that he could halt his inner monologue, even for a moment. “Honestly,” he started, a teasing edge dripping into his tone, “you'd think after so many years asleep, you’d be easier to get out of bed,”

And just like that, the pin dropped. A shift in the mood - slight, but still very much tangible – passed between them. While it wasn’t his intention to draw attention to their situation, Mikleo had inadvertently started a conversation he truly did not wish to have.

Feeling a firm squeeze, Mikleo’s eyes drifted to where Sorey tightened his hold on his hand, which had fallen against the soft linen of their bed at some point. Mikleo had refused to sleep in his own hut here in Elysia since they returned, instead retiring to Sorey’s each night as he had done so many times as a young seraph. His own house was cold, almost lifeless compared to the warmth and memories that embodied Sorey’s place.

Now, that warmth felt like it was receding, ever so slightly. However, Sorey’s smile stayed bright and true. “It didn't feel like I was asleep,” he replied, keeping the ball rolling, trying to give the topic a conversational twist.

 “Yeah?” Mikleo had, of course, heard this before – after similar, accidental remarks about how sleepy the ex-Shepard was despite his lengthy rest with Maotelus – but reminding Sorey of this fact was less important than hearing his croaky morning voice, which was the perfect distraction for the tightness that had begun to fester in his chest.

 “Yeah,” Sorey echoed. “I was with Maotelus, in the land,”

Another phrase Mikleo had heard before. “You keep saying that, but I have no idea what that would feel like,”

Sorey huffed in response. “I can't describe it any clearer,”

Mikleo opened his mouth, preparing to speak. ‘ _I don’t need you to_ ’, he would have said, and he really did try, but he found that his jaw clenched unbiddenly, and all he could do was hum in response.

At this moment, the water seraph grew mindful of the distance between them. Sitting up on the bed as they were, only their hands, still entwined, were in contact. Mikleo wanted more: he wanted to feel more of Sorey’s warmth, for more reassurance that this was real.

Just as he prepared to move, Sorey’s voice intruded his mind’s thought process. “It was all kind of a blur, to be honest,”

A blur, huh?

Mikleo was thankful for the thumb rubbing gentle circles into the back of his hand. Holding eye contact with Sorey was too much right now, but he needed _something_ to ground him. After all, it was awfully early in the morning, and Mikleo was still weary from travel. If anything, this was the least stable he had felt since reuniting with Sorey.

They hadn't talked about it too much. After all, Sorey had only been back a few weeks, why mar their newfound time together with such thoughts? It was unavoidable, of course, but both boys were masters of avoidance when it came to discussing feelings between them. Not wanting to let go of the cork on his feelings, he took a deep breath before continuing, his words coming out as more of a mumble than he intended. “It wasn't a blur for me,”

Even Sorey - charming, oblivious Sorey – could detect the switch from somewhat-light discussion to heady conversation. His free hand came to rest gently on his lover’s cheek, guiding his face up so their eyes could meet. Already, Mikleo’s were beginning to mist with the beginning of tears. He tore his eyes from Sorey’s, knowing he would be unable to hold everything in if he continued to look into them.

Instead, he crawled over to Sorey’s side, leaning into him and reclaiming the hand he had let go in the process. Sorey sighed, letting his head lull to the side and rest atop Mikleo’s. “I'm sorry,” he murmured, sounding as if he didn’t know he was speaking, “I’m so sorry Mikleo,”

Mikleo wouldn't say it was okay, because it wasn't. None of it was okay. There was no way sacrificing almost a millennium of your life in dreamless sleep was _okay_ , or waiting almost a millennium, not knowing whether the love of your life would awaken or not. As much as Mikleo was willing to put it behind them, to enjoy their time together now and _forever_ , nothing could erase how _not okay_ the past eight-hundred-or-so years had been.

Instead, he diverted the focus slightly, just enough to avoid an immediate and insuppressible gush of emotions. “Did you really have a choice?” He asked, meaning to stop there, to stay on the metaphorical, but the growing ache in his chest kept the words tumbling out of his mouth as he continued. “If there was another way-”

 “Yes,” Sorey cut him off quickly before his gaze fell down to the side, a somewhat bashful expression blooming on the brunette’s face. Mikleo felt the heavy rise and fall of Sorey’s chest before he continued. “I would take any other option that wouldn't have me leave you,”

Silence washed over them, only permeated by the distant sounds of Elysialarks singing their morning ballads. Mikleo didn’t mind: he could use a moment to calm himself. He was sure his shaky breaths were enough to tell Sorey that he was barely holding back at this point.

The quiet was stifling, however and he 0once again – felt the need to break the silence overcoming him. “If you think about it,” he started, which really meant ‘ _I have thought about it, a lot, I would think about late into the night and early in the morning and at any point in time when I couldn’t distract myself_ ’, “it would have been kind of weird,”

Sorey didn’t reply immediately. At first, Mikleo wondered if perhaps Sorey didn’t understand what he was talking about – the hypothetical of Sorey not falling into slumber, of staying the Shepperd and human. After a while without a request to elaborate, however, Mikleo concluded that he was taking a moment to determine how to proceed.  “How so?”

Mikleo swallowed past the growing lump in his throat. “I'd have to watch you grow old, and die,” he began, voice wavering, the first tear slipping past his defences and falling with a heavy splat on his nightshirt, “without knowing whether you'd become a seraph, or if I’d just…” Sorey pulled him closer as he began to babble.

Mikleo really should have stopped here, yet, like his tears, he couldn’t control himself. “I had no idea whether you'd come back after...” a deep, shuddering breath had him pause momentarily. He took a moment to collect himself, focusing on the gentle pressure of Sorey’s hands rubbing circles into his back.

 “I’ve been so scared Sorey,”

The dams broke, and he found himself weeping into Sorey’s shoulder, shaking in his embrace. This was only the surface. Beneath were many _more_ tears, so much more pain. Beneath were all the nights Mikleo had counted, waiting for Sorey's return, all the secret trips to Camlann, just to be near him. The years of uncertainty, loneliness, the missing part of himself he had left with Sorey.  

There was so much left to be said, stories to tell and apologies and gentle words of forgiveness but right now... Mikleo wouldn't lie and say right now was or wasn't the perfect time, because there is no perfect time for anything. In truth, the thought of unloading all of that onto Sorey struck fear into him, into the deepest part of him that was still that young seraph desperate to be of use to his childhood friend, that couldn't bear to be a burden or a liability. Right now Mikleo just wanted to know that Sorey was here for him.

The next thing he knew, Sorey's arms were encircling him, pulling Mikleo tight against his chest and stroking his back firmer, reassuringly. “We're together now,” he whispered, an offering and a reassurance all in one, “I'm here,”

Mikleo buried his face into Sorey's shoulder as he cried, letting the tears soak into the other man's nightshirt. All the while, Sorey rubbed slow circles into Mikleo’s back, murmuring reassurance. It felt good to cry. Seraphim generally didn’t cry: such an outpouring of emotion would be rather undignified for a seraph, much less one of Mikleo’s stature. Crying by oneself was one thing, but crying in Sorey’s arms, with the comfort of his presence… It was a luxury Mikleo hadn’t realised he had missed so much.

Eventually, Mikleo’s tears stopped pouring out in such copious amounts, and his breathing evened out enough that he had stopped shaking. He sat up slowly, lifting his eyes to meet Sorey’s. Hs face must have been quite a sight, but even so Sorey took it into his hands with such delicacy, swiping away at the last stray tears. He offered Mikleo his best smile, despite his own, puffy eyes. Mikleo attempted a smile in response, but he found his lips couldn’t quite form the right shape.

Suddenly, Sorey laughed – a strange, disjointed sound that was entirely out of place and yet still welcome – and Mikleo found himself joining him. They both looked ridiculous, crying over each other with puffed eyes and trembling lips.

Sorey was the first to quiet, eyes falling lazily to Mikleo’s as he gently pulled the other towards him. Mikleo obliged, and found his lips had more strength than they did before when they met with Sorey’s. The kiss was gentle and lazy, lacking the force or severity of their more passionate encounters. It said what they had left silent: _You don’t have to be afraid, I'm staying, I'm yours._  

Mikleo loved the way Sorey smiled after they kissed. It didn't matter whether it was a peck or a more heated kiss; he always smiled his goofy smirk and gazed into Mikleo's eyes, as if he were trying to memorise his reflection in them. 

It was only at this moment that Mikleo realised that he was sitting in Sorey’s lap. He felt his face flush ever so slightly at this realisation, coupled with the attentive gaze of his lover. “Feeling any better?” Sorey asked, oh so gently and full of love and concern, only making Mikleo more flustered.

Mikleo tried to speak, but stumbled over his words, causing Sorey to laugh. After a well-intentioned jab at his arm, Sorey ceased, apologising and raising an eyebrow in anticipation for a response. “Yeah, thank you,” He sighed, before closing his eyes and melting back into Sorey’s embrace. 

Resting his head on Sorey’s chest, Mikleo felt at ease despite the silence between them. Laying on top of Sorey, feeling how his body moved as they breathed in sync, was rather relaxing. Perhaps it was from all that crying nonsense earlier, but Mikleo began to feel drowsy again. He knew he could easily drift off in Sorey’s arms, and in fact was likely close to doing so. “We should really...talk about everything, right?” Sorey’s voice rumbled through him, jarring him from his sleepy reverie.

 “We will,” Mikleo assured him, leaving the rather obvious ‘ _but not yet_ ’ unsaid.

Sorey hummed in response, sounding unsatisfied with Mikleo’s response, but he didn’t verbally protest.

Mikleo interlaced his hands, placing them on Sorey’s chest and leaning his chin on them to look at the other boy. “I never lounged around this much while you were asleep,” Mikleo stated, changing the subject abruptly, “You're a bad influence on me.”

He hoped Sorey could get the hint to put their previous topic and the tears behind them, just for now. Sorey seemed to catch on, as he was now waggling his eyebrows in a rather comical fashion. “You love me though, right?” he boasted with a cocky grin, bringing out a rather undignified snicker from his water seraph.

 “I don’t know,” Mikleo jested, closing his eyes and leaning into his cheek, adding a slightly melodramatic sigh for effect. This, effectively, gained him a gentle poke at his side, to which he flinched. Mikleo braced himself for an onslaught; however, instead of the continuing barrage of pokes and tickling he had expected to ensue, there was nothing. 

When he opened, he was met with a rather curious expression: rather than the playful look he had imagined would be resting on his face, Sorey's countenance was rather sullen. Mikleo felt an odd sensation of panic sweep over him. “Seriously Sorey?” He asked incredulously. After all these years, all these tears, did Sorey truly doubt the way Mikleo felt? It seemed impossible, and yet, the other man's expression didn't change. Mikleo smiled sadly at his lover. “How could I not?” He asked, in earnest, because there was too much about Sorey to love. 

Sore’s expression lifted, the darkness of doubt having given way to a dazzling grin. Before Mikleo realised what was happening, Sorey had flipped them over so that he was leaning over the water seraph, a mischievous sparkle glinting in his eyes, his golden-tipped hair falling into Mikleo’s face ungracefully. “I love you too Mikleo,” he beamed, gently carding his hair out of the way before peppering Mikleo’s face with dozens of quick chaste kisses.

Mikleo couldn’t help the flustered laugh from leaving him as he tried to fight of this barrage of affection: how Sorey could manage being so unbelievably corny was unknown to the elder seraph. Still, it was not unappreciated, not in the slightest. Eventually, Mikleo had a firm hold on Sorey’s shoulders, prying the other man from him. For a moment, they simply shared each other’s gaze, before they both dissolved into a soft and hearty laughter, shaking through their chests and filling the room with mirth.

Sorey loved him. Sorey was here for him, for real this time. This wasn’t a dream, and Sorey wasn’t a human: they had as long as they both would live which, for Seraphim, is a long, long time.

Mikleo loved him, too. He always had, he thinks. There is no point in time that he could define as the start of loving Sorey. It was intrinsic to their relationship: growing up, there had always been love. Mikleo wished he was brave like Sorey, and could say whatever was on his mind with no reserves. If he could, he would tell Sorey just how much he loved him, how he had always loved him and always will.

Looking into Sorey’s eyes, he knew what he would say, had he the confidence. _I love you more than words can express, my one and only._

Instead, he ran his fingers through Sorey’s hair and smiled, “Can we stay in bed a little longer?” He asked, innocently, wanting nothing more than the reassuring warmth of the other man.

Sorey’s eyebrows drew together slightly, his mouth opening as if to voice reluctance. That expression was quickly washed away, however, by a conceding grin, and the two seraphim drew together under the sheets, entangling their limbs and holding each other as close as physically possible.

They laid together in a blissful silence, broken only by Elysialarks and Sorey’s own intermittent humming that would rumble through the both of them. Mikleo closed his eyes, enjoying the warmth and the gentle vibrations and just being with Sorey. He knew he could easily stay like this forever, but they had breakfast to eat and bags to pack and ruins to explore. They had forever and a day.

And now Mikleo knew that even if he wasn’t physically holding Sorey, he would never have to let him go again.

**Author's Note:**

> Holy shit this is sappy lmao
> 
> I started writing this like two months ago but I scrapped it. I decided to pick it back up again and blow the dust off of it: after all, I need to post something to my ao3 account lmao. Let me know if you like it!!
> 
> Hit me up here or on my tumblr (amaranthhime.tumblr.com) if you have any prompts for these two, I absolutely adore them and would love to share more of my writing with you all xx


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